How to become a Perfectionist?

There are several books and articles out there on becoming a perfectionist but to become a perfectionist one must have to practice certain behavior. I believe this is an addition to being a perfectionist.

Addiction to Perfection

The following email was sent to me by Khonshu, a member of our website:

“Without having a definite reason this morning, I was feeling uneasy and depressed. I observed and realized that the false belief creating all this was that I have to be perfect in order for me to allow myself to feel happiness & contentment.

Yet, there are so many situations for me to be perfect that it is almost impossible to achieve. Still, I have driven myself to be perfect and discovered that the ensuing happiness lasts about 2 seconds and I am exhausted.”

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“Procrastination is nearly covered up in this challenge too. Maybe I don't even try things because I know if it's not done perfectly I won't value it well. For most of my life, my critically inspired drive forced me to achieve some amazing things including opening my own business in Delhi, India. Somehow, I feel that if I don't criticize and punish myself then I will never go anywhere or do anything.

Right now, the truth is, I am not really productive. There must be another way!”

Looking to be perfect is a form of control. The wounded, critical part of us believes that “If I am perfect whatsoever that means, then people will like me, love me, admire me, accept me, pay attention to me, recognize me, or validate me.

Then I will feel worthy. By being perfect I can control how people feel about me.”

The need to control how people feel comes from making others responsible for defining worth. The false belief is if someone likes you, then you are worthy, and then you can be happy & joyful. But, as Khonshu said, “the ensuing happiness lasts about for a few seconds and I am exhausted.” Trying to be perfect is exhausting and the good feelings are temporary.”

Additionally, having to be perfect in order to gain approval often leads to procrastination. If you are not perfect the fear of failure can stop you from taking the action you need to take. Judging yourself to get yourself to do things right often go wrong, leading to paralysis instead of creativity and productivity, as it has with Khonshu.

Khonshu states that “There must be another way!” There is, indeed, another way a much better way.

When you decide to define your personal worth instead of handing that crucial responsibility to others, you will stop worrying about what others think about you. The problem is that for most people, parents and other adults defined their worth when they are young.

Even we saw adults as having the authority to do that. As we grew older, we gave our peers the authority to describe us. But at some point, we need to shift from others having the authority to define our worth to our own higher, wise self or spiritual direction having the authority.

In addition, we need to shift from defining our worth based on external qualities to our worth being based on internal, fundamental soul qualities.

As long as your worth is based on your performance, you will concern about results. But when your worth is based on your inherent qualities of caring, compassion, goodness, empathy, and happiness, then it is never on the line regarding your performance. This will free you to create and produce with freedom and happiness, knowing that you can make all the mistakes in the world and still be worthy.

Perfection never comes into the picture when your performance is a jubilant expression of your inherent worth, rather than a form of controlling what others think and feel about you.

When you open to learning with a higher authority about your true, inherent worth, and embrace the beauty and wonder of your beautiful essence, you will stop thinking about perfection, and you will stop thinking about performance and being concerned about what others think about you. You will know that you are already perfect in your heart and that there is nothing to prove.

When you know your worth as inherent rather than based on your performance, life becomes so much easier and less demanding. Instead of your addiction to perfection stopping you, you are free to fully express yourself and manifest yourself and your talents.

Expressing yourself creatively and productively becomes fun rather than fearful.